I wish I blogged more

Today I had to write a difficult letter.  Bob is estranged (not sure if that is the best description but I don't have a better word and it isn't my story to tell) from his father.  He last saw him when he was 16 (I believe).  Bob's older brother looked their father up about six years ago and kept in touch with him and his wife for a little while.  At the time when Charlotte was born (September 2006) they were in touch with his father and let them know about Charlotte's birth.  His new wife sent a very nice book and a long letter welcoming the birth of Charlotte.  I wrote them back around Christmastime and have since sent them a note every year around this time of year.
This year we received a short note saying that in November Bob's father had had a stroke and was doing well with the exception of needing speech therapy two times a week.  He is about 80 years old.   As I began to write them a letter, I realized that they had not heard the news of Bob's youngest sister's death in February.  Bob thought it would be a good idea for me to let them know, after all, this is his daughter, too. 
I type a lot faster than I write, and time is of the essence these days.  So I typed them a letter summarizing our year and finally filling them in on the passing of Eileen.  I can't really get it out of my mind.  I wonder what type of reaction he will have when he learns that his daughter, who he hasn't seen or heard from in almost 40 years passed away.  I ponder the reasons why families become estranged and how you can go for years not talking to your own children.  Bob has shared countless stories about his childhood with me and I listen and try to be open minded and non-judgmental.  If my husband holds no bad feelings or resentment towards these characters from his past, how can I?  After all, my husband is a generous, kind, loving and basically all-accepting kind of person.  Someone I look up to and only hope some day to have his strength of character.  If he is able to move on from the past then what reason do I have to pass any judgment of all on these people who I don't even know?
So I wrote, and wrote.  I wrote like I knew them well, and them us, and that we just haven't seen each other in a while.  I shared with them Eileen's passing and attached the eulogy that was read at Eileen's funeral.  It was beautiful, and funny, much like Eileen.  It made everyone in the room (all 200 people) feel like they were connected to Eileen, just as I hope my letter did the same for them. 
If we were the type of people who put a newsletter in our Christmas card, I think it would read something like this:

December 17, 2010

Dear Bob and Margaret:
Thank you for your note.  We are sorry to hear about Bob’s stroke but glad to hear his fighting spirit has him back on his feet with little to no side-effects and hoping the speech therapy continues to improve your speech.

Life seems to move at a frantic pace when you have a 4 year old and a 19 month old.  Charlotte is loving pre-school and continues to keep us on our toes.  She talks non-stop and her quest for knowledge never ceases to amaze us.  She is interested in just about everything and lately it is dinosaurs.  She has learned the names of many of them and tells us she wants to be a “dino expert” when she grows up.  She truly seems to have a love of animals first and foremost and dreams up all sorts of imaginary worlds for her and the animals.  She has an infectious sense of humor and regularly tries to “test us” because she doesn’t see herself as a child, and us parents, but more of an equal.    For any idea we have of something to do, or what to have for dinner, Charlotte has her own idea and negotiates with passion why her idea is truly the best one.  By Friday I am usually exhausted (she wears me down most days) but I sure don’t want to dispel that spirit of hers.

Abigail (Abby or Abs as we like to call her) worships her sister first and foremost and her parents second.  She loves to hug, cuddle and play.  She wants nothing to do with “age appropriate” anything and prefers to play with all of her sister’s toys.  In fact, because she was walking at such a young age her motor skills really impress us and I think she’s better at feeding herself with a fork and spoon and using a cup to drink her milk than her big sister is at age 4!  She has shown a love for babydolls that Charlotte never had.  She drags them around, feeds them, gives them bottles and rocks them in her rocking chair.  She is extremely outgoing (where Charlotte was not at all) and says, “HI and BYE!” to everyone she crosses paths with.  It can’t help but make even the grumpiest person smile.  While she loves being with us most, she is learning to love her babysitter and the child-care at our gym so I am getting a couple moments to myself lately to exercise, play tennis, or grocery shop in silence. 

Bob had a great year at Wagner & Bonsignore Consulting Civil Engineers.  They have roughly 25 employees, moved into some really nice new office space and opened an office in Santa Barbara.  The office is small and run by a couple guys but the location works well for all of the Southern California work Bob does and the potential for childless weekend getaways is sure enticing.  This has yet to happen, but a girl can dream!

In July the family met in San Diego to celebrate Michael’s youngest daughter Alex’s wedding.  She married Casey in Point Loma/Shelter Island at sunset overlooking the water.   Casey’s family is from the Point Loma area and his grandmother, also named Pat, still lives in the house she raised all her children and was obviously thrilled to see her first grandchild get married.  The wedding happened 4^th of July weekend and our daughters along with Claire and Mallory (Melanie’s daughters) were in the wedding.  They were adorable in matching dresses.  Charlotte and Claire danced the night away and were thrilled to be flower girls in the wedding.  It is funny how today the trend is to have no children at weddings, or adult only affairs.  Seeing the kids on the dance floor at Alex’s wedding really reminds you what life is all about. 

Bob was able to get away for a week’s vacation over Thanksgiving and we traveled to Hawaii.  We had such a relaxing and nice time.  We rented a condo on the Big Island and were able to walk to the pool and beach daily, sometimes twice!  We enjoyed being barefoot, eating freshly made meals in the condo and soaking up the sun.  It isn’t often that we get to have so many days together as a family and we really loved every minute of it.

Just this past weekend we spent in Orange County celebrating Pat’s 80^th Birthday.  It was a whirl-wind trip but we were treated with 85 degrees weather for two days.  Charlotte thinks her Grandma is one of a kind, and truly she is.  What, on her 80^th Birthday she was a trooper climbing into the back seat of our mini van and going to Disneyland to ride the canoes and the tea cups with her granddaughters.  The happiest place on earth was pretty special to see at Christmastime, even if the crowds were unbearable.  That evening we celebrated further with a standing rib roast prepared by Patsy and her grown children and Pat’s twin great-granddaughters, Stella and Fiona.  They are Brian’s (Patsy’s 33 year old son’s) two year old twin daughters.   In the past four years four great-grand daughters and two grand daughters have been born, according to age: Claire, Charlotte, Stella, Fiona, Mallory and Abigail.  What are the chances of that?  I think it is time for someone to have a boy!

Unfortunately we have some sad news to share as well.  On February 17 Eileen passed away at 51.  She had struggled over the years with her epilepsy and other ailments.  Interestingly she had not been struggling prior to her death and had been more lucid and herself than she had been in years.  We were all shocked and devastated.  We organized a beautiful funeral here in Sacramento and over 200 people came.  I attach a eulogy written by her childhood friend, Robert Bray (called Hugger by his family and friends).  It was a touching tribute and I think you should read it.  I apologize we did not get this news to you sooner.  Her death was hard on everyone  but knowing that Eileen isn’t suffering anymore gives us peace. 

We hope to correspond sooner this time and hope you have a very special Christmas with your family and loved ones.

Love,

Diane & Bob

Project Manager x10

I know this sounds pretty un-motherly but the job of a stay at home mom often feels like being a project manager.  You are balancing the house, the kids, the errands, the laundry, personal time (what's that?) and trying to get it all done efficiently and on-schedule.  You have daily deadlines (bath and bed by 8:00 pm) and weekly deadlines (clean sheets, laundry folded and put away, groceries stocked in the fridge, sack lunches made, dinners planned).  The weekend comes and the schedule is thrown off and then Monday you do it all over again.  One of the extra twists in this project management role is that in addition to all the above mentioned "to-dos" you are actually managing two small people.  And one of them, 3 going on 4 (*this* Friday) needs constant interaction, dialogue and re-direction.  The younger one needs a lot of the same, too, but her needs are different.  Basically, what I am saying is that in addition to all the shit that you need to get done around the house to keep the house and our lives managed, you need to be one step ahead of your kids so that not only do they feel loved, comforted, and secure, they also need constant reminders of the acceptable and appropriate behavior and that there are consequences for behaving badly.  Charlotte has been testing me hourly.  Its been a struggle.
I'll be honest.  Some of the best moments in our days are when both kids are locked into their respective seatbelts/car seats and we are driving someplace.  I know they are both "safe" and that they can't get anywhere.  A moment of peace.  How sad is this?  Honest reality I'm afraid.
Okay so get this... my amazing husband... decided we needed to engage in some "home improvement" projects.  Stuff we've put off.  Our home is 100 years old (or 90 actually) so in reality there is always a home improvement project necessary.  We put them off (they are expensive) and you can say our house has character but really it is dilapidated.
So much to my delight (horror) he says we need to engage in the following: replace three sets of doors that are operating poorly with french doors, replace hood over kitchen with new hood (the old one does not meet the necessary requirements for our range output), paint kitchen (including sanding and covering old oil-based trim in kitchen...smelly), replace deck off back of house and build new fence separating driveway from backyard, and some minor gardening work that requires a dump truck, a few cubic yards of mulch and some tree trimming and gutter replacement.
How does that sound for a to-do list?  Guess who is responsible for collecting multiple bids/estimates on the bigger projects (doors & deck) and organizing all these simultaneous events? Yep, me!  Does Bob help with any of this?  Well by help, I'd say he's providing financing for the projects.  I run the numbers by him and he says yay/nay.  I run some of the various contractor's ideas by him and he asks more questions which in turn, I must ask, and report back to him. 
Needless to say the phone is ringing regularly and the doorbell too (except our doorbell is broken so KNOCK LOUDLY PLEASE) with various faces.  I am actually doing a pretty good job of juggling it all! 
Am I overwhelmed?  Yes!  Do I have crazy dreams where everything works out, or doesn't, in various re-arrangements?  Of course!
Do my children feel that mom's attention is spread too thin right now?  Most likely.  The evidence:  any time I'm on the phone thing seem to spiral out of control.  Charlotte and Abigail hang on me, nag, whine, etc.  Can you blame them?  I guess not. 
If my job was in an office, I'd be expecting a BIG FAT BONUS this year!  Project Manager of the Year award!!! 
However, this is not an office, it is our home.  The bonus can't be quantified!  But I'm only complaining a little.  When it is all done, we'll have a little quiet time, and then we'll do it all over again.  Such is life... or as the French say, C'est la vie. 
Charlotte turns 4 on Friday and Bob's birthday is the 25th.  I've been working on the details of a very special purple party for Char and a dinner party for Bob.  These two things I enjoy more than any of the other stuff so I guess things do balance out.  Can't wait to share some pictures from Charlotte's special day... and pictures of our home "improvements"!  Stay tuned!
 

Barf-o-Rama

I was writing this really thoughtful post last Wednesday around 7:30 am when Charlotte asked me, "Mommy... where is Abigail?"  She was asking a very valid question.
Abigail does not typically sleep past 7:30 am.  And as I pondered her question I couldn't even remember hearing a peep out of her that night.  I went upstairs to check on her and say good morning.  Whoa!  Foul odor upon entering room!  Barf everywhere in her crib. 
I got her up, bathed her, stripped the bed and  helped her to some dry cheerios and a little water.  One parenting tip I have learned (the hard way) is to not give milk products to a baby who is vomiting for a good 24 hours, assuming they truly have a stomach bug.
We got Charlotte off to school and spent the day at home.  I was on barf-watch.  Around 2 o'clock I broke my rule, assuming Abby was fine and the barf-filled crib was a freak accident.  I gave her a bottle of milk.  45 minutes later she came to me crying and threw up all over me. 
A trip to the doctor's office the next day confirmed Abby had a double ear-infection.  I actually suspected this.  And then trusty internet told me that vomiting accompanies an ear infection.  A sigh of relief that we were all spared the potential, awful stomach-flu.
But no!  Thursday around 4:30 Bob calls and says he is on his way home from work, feeling nauseous.  By 6:00 pm he's hugging the toilet.  By  midnight it is my turn.
Charlotte lasts until Sunday morning and then she falls, too.
Sheesh... the barfs passed through all of us in under a week.  We are all feeling okay now. 
I deleted my unpublished-post. It was about the feelings (some good, many exasperated) that came with being home with your kids all the time.  Spend a few days with your kids sick, and you want to take away all their pain.  Nothing makes me weaker in the knees than my own kids being sick. 
I am so thankful their sickness is over almost faster than it comes on.  How lucky I am to have a strong, healthy family.
Now... I could go back to complaining about my woes being a stay at home mom.  But I think I'll save it for another day. 

Vacation

We've been back almost a week, now.  Life is kind of returning to normal.  In a good way.  Vacation is fun.  Unpacking, re-organizing, laundry, kid's schedules... not so fun.
It is Friday and things seem to be returning to our usual tempo. 
I think the greatest part of vacation was all of us being together for two straight weeks.   Next time though, Hawaii.  I'm already looking for rental houses on the North Shore of Kauai. 
A summary and some random thoughts on our trip.
1. Collecting snails at Grandma's house is just about as much fun as any amusement park.  Something about the "hunt" and finding every last snail.  Charlotte excelled at it.  She didn't want to touch the snails (can you blame her?) so Grandma picked them up (with her hands wrapped in plastic). 
2. Knotts Berry Farm is where Bob's mom used to take Bob and his siblings way back when she had very little money and wanted to treat them to something fun.  (late 1950s early 1960s).  A good half of the park is now covered in Roller Coasters.  We spent the first half of our morning in Camp Snoopy going on the kiddie rides that are under the Roller Coasters.  Fun, but noisy.  We spent the second part of our day in the original part of the park.  The Ghost Town, etc.  No towering roller coasters zooming over head and very very peaceful and uncrowded and fun!  I am a sucker for nostalgia and vintagey and I loved to think that Bob used to roam that very area when he was Charlotte's age.  Next time we go straight to the old part of the park and skip Camp Snoopy altogether.
3. Got to Del Mar and the sun found its way out for a few days.  The few days included our "busy" days of vacation.  Among them: Niece Alex's wedding, rehearsal dinner and picnic with family.  It was all wonderful and I'm glad Alex and Casey had sunshine on their wedding day.  Charlotte, Abigail, Claire and Mallory were adorable as flower girls.  Charlotte and Claire took their task very seriously and really had a blast.  All four girls were so fun to watch on the dance floor.  Kids should be invited to weddings.  It isn't so fun/easy for the parents but it creates great memories for the kids. 
4.  The sun disappeared on July 3rd never to be seen again for the duration of our vacation.  This put a little bit of a "cramp" in my idea of spending mornings, mid-day, and evenings swimming in the ocean.  The water temperature was bearable (around 68) but the air temp was a chilly 63.  We did spend a few days in the sand/water.  We just didn't camp out on the beach.  Both of my girls LOVED the sand and ocean.
5. Charlotte impressed me with her excitement at the waves and wonders of the ocean.  She wanted to go out further and further and jump the waves.  When she was clearly shorter than the wave height she wanted us to pick her up and take her out farther.  We have been to the beach/ocean a couple times a year since she's been born and this was the first year she really "got it" and didn't want to go back the instant we got there.
6. Abby is a born beach baby.  She loved it all.  She loves her big sister most so anything Charlotte wants to do, Abigail is not far behind.  So cute.
7. We headed inland in search of sunshine to the SD Wild Animal Park.  Probably one of the greatest places we've ever visited.  It felt like we had most of the park to ourselves.  The people seem to really congregate in the center area where the bus tour is located.  We saw elephants, rhinos, lions. zebras, and more.  Charlotte had her face painted with a unicorn and she couldn't stop looking at herself.  She thought she looked pretty neat and she was right, she did. 
8. The condo we rented was perfect.  Perfect in the sense it was located in a nice quiet area and we had a lot of open space and room to explore (rare for San Diego).  But... anytime we drove anywhere we were reminded that we were in Southern California (freeways, traffic to consider, etc.).  Next time we go on "vacation" we're going someplace a little more wild and scenic.
9. I think the sun has been out in San Diego all week.  Oh, and it is a whopping 103 degrees here at home.  Ick.  I'll take fog any day of the week.
10.  Opening day of the racetrack is next Wednesday.  We're going to see if we can't escape for a day to the track and leave the kids at home (with a sitter, of course)!

Where the Turf Meets the Surf

We're headed out of here on an airplane today!  Del Mar bound with a stop for two nights at Grandma's house in Brea.  The fun should be never ending and we're all looking forward to a "beach vacation".  Charlotte wants to build sand "volcanoes" (have I mentioned she's not a princess/castle person)?  Abby will be happy to do whatever everyone else does and Bob and I hope to sleep, swim, and maybe even play a little tennis.

We're going to be seeing most of our family while we're down there.  Alex is getting married and this means cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, etc. etc.  My parents will be at the wedding, too.  And Aunt Shelly is flying into San Diego on the 3rd and she'll be staying with us for the week.  

I am counting down the moments until I'm swimming in the ocean and enjoying daily highs of 70 and lows of 61 degrees.  

Too bad the ponies won't be running while we're there.  We try to go every year when they are.  We just might have to plan a trip back down there in August.  On that note...

WHERE THE TURF MEETS THE SURF
(Johnny Burke / Bing Crosby / James V. Monaco)

Bing Crosby
Where the turf meets the surf
down at old Del Mar
take a plane
take a train
take a car.

There is a smile on every face
and a winner in each race
where the turf meets the surf
at Del Mar.

Friends

Saturday we headed to El Dorado Hills to hang out and have dinner with our friends the Chaquicas.  Melissa was my "suite mate" freshman year at UCSB and we were roommates all through college and have been great friends ever since. 
I miss seeing them regularly and watching our kids play together.  The beauty of friendship is that you don't have to talk on the phone all the time or see someone every week to know they are your friend.  Melissa is a true friend.  In fact, it had been almost a year since we've seen each other and we picked up where we left off as if I had last seen her a week ago.
Seeing Charlotte interact with Natalie and Jake was too fun.  Charlotte loved the freedom that came with hanging with the older kids (Jake is almost 7 and Natalie 5).  They swam together, jumped on the trampoline together, and at the end of a hard day of playing took baths and showered together.  Does it get any better than that?
Here's hoping a whole year doesn't pass before we get to see them again.  And that backyard?  Wow.  Enough said.

A little anxiety over this one

Our niece Alex is getting married July 3rd in San Diego.  She is the sweetest.  And she thought it would be fun if her nieces Claire and Mallory and her cousins Charlotte and Abigail were in the wedding.  You see Claire and Charlotte are less than a month apart and Mallory and Abigail three months apart.  Cute as can be, right?  And teamwork is good for following directions and doing that "walk down the aisle" thing, right?
Well all Charlotte has said when I've shared fun things about Alex's wedding are "no" and "I don't want to" and "uh-uhh". 
We tried on the dress last night.  The face tells it all:

But she sure looks pretty!

We're hoping she cheers up when she sees Claire in a matching dress and Abby and Mallory in coordinating ones.