I wish I blogged more

Today I had to write a difficult letter.  Bob is estranged (not sure if that is the best description but I don't have a better word and it isn't my story to tell) from his father.  He last saw him when he was 16 (I believe).  Bob's older brother looked their father up about six years ago and kept in touch with him and his wife for a little while.  At the time when Charlotte was born (September 2006) they were in touch with his father and let them know about Charlotte's birth.  His new wife sent a very nice book and a long letter welcoming the birth of Charlotte.  I wrote them back around Christmastime and have since sent them a note every year around this time of year.
This year we received a short note saying that in November Bob's father had had a stroke and was doing well with the exception of needing speech therapy two times a week.  He is about 80 years old.   As I began to write them a letter, I realized that they had not heard the news of Bob's youngest sister's death in February.  Bob thought it would be a good idea for me to let them know, after all, this is his daughter, too. 
I type a lot faster than I write, and time is of the essence these days.  So I typed them a letter summarizing our year and finally filling them in on the passing of Eileen.  I can't really get it out of my mind.  I wonder what type of reaction he will have when he learns that his daughter, who he hasn't seen or heard from in almost 40 years passed away.  I ponder the reasons why families become estranged and how you can go for years not talking to your own children.  Bob has shared countless stories about his childhood with me and I listen and try to be open minded and non-judgmental.  If my husband holds no bad feelings or resentment towards these characters from his past, how can I?  After all, my husband is a generous, kind, loving and basically all-accepting kind of person.  Someone I look up to and only hope some day to have his strength of character.  If he is able to move on from the past then what reason do I have to pass any judgment of all on these people who I don't even know?
So I wrote, and wrote.  I wrote like I knew them well, and them us, and that we just haven't seen each other in a while.  I shared with them Eileen's passing and attached the eulogy that was read at Eileen's funeral.  It was beautiful, and funny, much like Eileen.  It made everyone in the room (all 200 people) feel like they were connected to Eileen, just as I hope my letter did the same for them. 
If we were the type of people who put a newsletter in our Christmas card, I think it would read something like this:

December 17, 2010

Dear Bob and Margaret:
Thank you for your note.  We are sorry to hear about Bob’s stroke but glad to hear his fighting spirit has him back on his feet with little to no side-effects and hoping the speech therapy continues to improve your speech.

Life seems to move at a frantic pace when you have a 4 year old and a 19 month old.  Charlotte is loving pre-school and continues to keep us on our toes.  She talks non-stop and her quest for knowledge never ceases to amaze us.  She is interested in just about everything and lately it is dinosaurs.  She has learned the names of many of them and tells us she wants to be a “dino expert” when she grows up.  She truly seems to have a love of animals first and foremost and dreams up all sorts of imaginary worlds for her and the animals.  She has an infectious sense of humor and regularly tries to “test us” because she doesn’t see herself as a child, and us parents, but more of an equal.    For any idea we have of something to do, or what to have for dinner, Charlotte has her own idea and negotiates with passion why her idea is truly the best one.  By Friday I am usually exhausted (she wears me down most days) but I sure don’t want to dispel that spirit of hers.

Abigail (Abby or Abs as we like to call her) worships her sister first and foremost and her parents second.  She loves to hug, cuddle and play.  She wants nothing to do with “age appropriate” anything and prefers to play with all of her sister’s toys.  In fact, because she was walking at such a young age her motor skills really impress us and I think she’s better at feeding herself with a fork and spoon and using a cup to drink her milk than her big sister is at age 4!  She has shown a love for babydolls that Charlotte never had.  She drags them around, feeds them, gives them bottles and rocks them in her rocking chair.  She is extremely outgoing (where Charlotte was not at all) and says, “HI and BYE!” to everyone she crosses paths with.  It can’t help but make even the grumpiest person smile.  While she loves being with us most, she is learning to love her babysitter and the child-care at our gym so I am getting a couple moments to myself lately to exercise, play tennis, or grocery shop in silence. 

Bob had a great year at Wagner & Bonsignore Consulting Civil Engineers.  They have roughly 25 employees, moved into some really nice new office space and opened an office in Santa Barbara.  The office is small and run by a couple guys but the location works well for all of the Southern California work Bob does and the potential for childless weekend getaways is sure enticing.  This has yet to happen, but a girl can dream!

In July the family met in San Diego to celebrate Michael’s youngest daughter Alex’s wedding.  She married Casey in Point Loma/Shelter Island at sunset overlooking the water.   Casey’s family is from the Point Loma area and his grandmother, also named Pat, still lives in the house she raised all her children and was obviously thrilled to see her first grandchild get married.  The wedding happened 4^th of July weekend and our daughters along with Claire and Mallory (Melanie’s daughters) were in the wedding.  They were adorable in matching dresses.  Charlotte and Claire danced the night away and were thrilled to be flower girls in the wedding.  It is funny how today the trend is to have no children at weddings, or adult only affairs.  Seeing the kids on the dance floor at Alex’s wedding really reminds you what life is all about. 

Bob was able to get away for a week’s vacation over Thanksgiving and we traveled to Hawaii.  We had such a relaxing and nice time.  We rented a condo on the Big Island and were able to walk to the pool and beach daily, sometimes twice!  We enjoyed being barefoot, eating freshly made meals in the condo and soaking up the sun.  It isn’t often that we get to have so many days together as a family and we really loved every minute of it.

Just this past weekend we spent in Orange County celebrating Pat’s 80^th Birthday.  It was a whirl-wind trip but we were treated with 85 degrees weather for two days.  Charlotte thinks her Grandma is one of a kind, and truly she is.  What, on her 80^th Birthday she was a trooper climbing into the back seat of our mini van and going to Disneyland to ride the canoes and the tea cups with her granddaughters.  The happiest place on earth was pretty special to see at Christmastime, even if the crowds were unbearable.  That evening we celebrated further with a standing rib roast prepared by Patsy and her grown children and Pat’s twin great-granddaughters, Stella and Fiona.  They are Brian’s (Patsy’s 33 year old son’s) two year old twin daughters.   In the past four years four great-grand daughters and two grand daughters have been born, according to age: Claire, Charlotte, Stella, Fiona, Mallory and Abigail.  What are the chances of that?  I think it is time for someone to have a boy!

Unfortunately we have some sad news to share as well.  On February 17 Eileen passed away at 51.  She had struggled over the years with her epilepsy and other ailments.  Interestingly she had not been struggling prior to her death and had been more lucid and herself than she had been in years.  We were all shocked and devastated.  We organized a beautiful funeral here in Sacramento and over 200 people came.  I attach a eulogy written by her childhood friend, Robert Bray (called Hugger by his family and friends).  It was a touching tribute and I think you should read it.  I apologize we did not get this news to you sooner.  Her death was hard on everyone  but knowing that Eileen isn’t suffering anymore gives us peace. 

We hope to correspond sooner this time and hope you have a very special Christmas with your family and loved ones.

Love,

Diane & Bob